Yeah, here’s the thing…I don’t really care whether you pussies think I can run a company or not. Look at the success I’ve had with AMTRAK: decades of inefficient waste delivering people to their destinations when it suited me and not a moment before. I’m the only one who can pull that off because I don’t have to play by any rules once I’m in charge. Did you see that tax spanking I had my bitches on the Hill throw at AIG a couple of weeks ago? I’ve still got some of my little swimmers on the attack.

I ain’t playin’.

Whenever one of my companies gets a little wobbly I just have some more money appropriated or printed. I’m living your Monopoly wet dream, people.

I might still let the car companies go bankrupt.

Gives me more time to play with my banks.

What this country needs is a bigger, badder me and Barack threw that thought right into their tiny little reporter brains. I need more power to step in right away, seize companies and tell everyone I’m making it all better. It’s all me, all the time with this guy. We might bypass a Jerry McGuire moment and go straight to Brokeback…

Rahm E and I had a little postmortem chat about the presser and I told him I got nothin’ but mad love for the way he’s handling POTUS. Can’t see any strings at all so far.

Yeah, it’s a blast becoming a large business owner again. I was seriously considering a move to Venezuela to get some action before Barack appeared out of Manchuria nowhere.

I decided to start a blog because, well, it’s not like I do anything. I’ve got Barack, Nance and Harry finding new ways to spend more money for me all the time. I’ve got you idiots giving me the money.

Timmy began the week by not sucking as much as he usually does. It looked like we might be able keep him past Easter. Then he popped off about a global currency and Rahm E started clearing out room under the bus again. First they had to toss the GM guy under it (yes, we’re ordering a bigger bus). I told the boys to give the douchebag a swirly first. Seriously, though, we can’t fire the little turd yet because he’s like the only guy left at Treasury. And that’s my favorite department.

Oh, Timmy, this is going to fucking hurt.